Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Day 3
No, I haven't given up. I didn't log yesterday because I did not have time. I am basically going insane right now. I ate at 6:30 AM, have not eaten since. Came home, had some discussion because of my mom's ignorance and didn't eat whatever the fuck she cooked. Before that I was fucking desperate for fast food. I want it extremely bad right now. I want to gorge down some Wendys or McDonalds or Burger King. Could even be Popeyes. God I am extremely desperate right now I am like a fucking junkie in withdrawal. This is fucking horrible. I can't take this anymore. But I'm not going to give up.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Day 1
I guess this is some sort of attempt to track my days of weight lost. Let's go from the beginning. My name is Manuel Santos Jorge. At this moment, I am 26 years old and I live in Ponce, Puerto Rico. I haven't weighed myself in a while, but more than likely my weight is at the 500's and my height is 6'3''. My shirt size is 6XL, probably already 7XL since 6XL is now too short. My pants size are 54 and that's because I use them below the waist. I work at CIRACET in Ponce, as a programmer which is my profession. Right now, I live in Hacienda la Matilde in Ponce, which is behind the Walmart in Baramaya.
I don't want to be fat anymore. I am 26 and all my life I've missed out on so much because of my weight. There are rivers in my island that I wish I could visit but I can't because the path to them is difficult (a lot of hiking involved) and my weight makes it difficult for me. I have a special chair at work (which I thank my employers greatly for acquiring for me) because normal chairs are too uncomfortable for me. Every time I go somewhere that requires sitting my first thought is if the chairs would hold me. I can't go to the movies on a starting day movie since I don't want to bother anyone sitting near me. But I pass it off as hating it because the first days always have too many people, especially teenagers (which is true, but it's mostly because of the weight thing). I've never traveled, and am afraid of doing so because I'm afraid of bothering other passengers. Clothes are extremely difficult to find, and when I can find them they are very expensive. Sometimes there are video game shirts or shirts about something I like that I can't buy because they don't come my size. Even though I love the water, and normally my weight doesn't hold me back from visiting the beach or rivers, I do feel embarrassed to show my body and thus I wear a shirt, because nobody has to see my fat. I have back pains whenever I sleep too much and I have to wake up even though I want to sleep more. I have sleep apnea and even though I sleep, I don't rest. Sleep apnea is when you have trouble breathing when you sleep so your body unconsciously wakes up to breathe. This means that you fall asleep, but you don't rest because, even though you don't notice it, you are waking up constantly. These are some of the troubles I have because of my weight.
When I lose weight, most of these, if not all, won't be problems anymore. To do that, the first thing I need is willpower. No matter what, I can't stop doing this. I will walk everyday for half an hour starting out, then slowly incrementing time. I will plan out my meals everyday to keep under 2,000 calories. Wednesday I will visit the doctor to start attending myself. It's important to me to take care of all of this starting now, because I am still on time. I will lose weight, I will do this. There's no going back now. And I will fight my biggest obstacle: My addiction to fast food. Today has been an uneventful day. Had my meals normally. I haven't had any anxiety for eating so far. I will use this blog to try and log everything I go through in this process.
Today is Monday, July 27th, 2015. Being of sound mind and judgment, I, Manuel Santos Jorge, solemnly swear that I will not go back to my old ways. I will have a real cheat day when I lose 50 pounds. Until then, I will log all my foods on My Fitness Pal. I will walk everyday, or at least do some sort of exercise every day, including Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I will use Lucy del Mar to achieve this. She will make me exercise hard in the backyard. No going to eat at night, I will have my dinner and a snack, nothing else. Only water. As of today, this journey begins. I won't go back. I CAN'T GO BACK.
I don't want to be fat anymore. I am 26 and all my life I've missed out on so much because of my weight. There are rivers in my island that I wish I could visit but I can't because the path to them is difficult (a lot of hiking involved) and my weight makes it difficult for me. I have a special chair at work (which I thank my employers greatly for acquiring for me) because normal chairs are too uncomfortable for me. Every time I go somewhere that requires sitting my first thought is if the chairs would hold me. I can't go to the movies on a starting day movie since I don't want to bother anyone sitting near me. But I pass it off as hating it because the first days always have too many people, especially teenagers (which is true, but it's mostly because of the weight thing). I've never traveled, and am afraid of doing so because I'm afraid of bothering other passengers. Clothes are extremely difficult to find, and when I can find them they are very expensive. Sometimes there are video game shirts or shirts about something I like that I can't buy because they don't come my size. Even though I love the water, and normally my weight doesn't hold me back from visiting the beach or rivers, I do feel embarrassed to show my body and thus I wear a shirt, because nobody has to see my fat. I have back pains whenever I sleep too much and I have to wake up even though I want to sleep more. I have sleep apnea and even though I sleep, I don't rest. Sleep apnea is when you have trouble breathing when you sleep so your body unconsciously wakes up to breathe. This means that you fall asleep, but you don't rest because, even though you don't notice it, you are waking up constantly. These are some of the troubles I have because of my weight.
When I lose weight, most of these, if not all, won't be problems anymore. To do that, the first thing I need is willpower. No matter what, I can't stop doing this. I will walk everyday for half an hour starting out, then slowly incrementing time. I will plan out my meals everyday to keep under 2,000 calories. Wednesday I will visit the doctor to start attending myself. It's important to me to take care of all of this starting now, because I am still on time. I will lose weight, I will do this. There's no going back now. And I will fight my biggest obstacle: My addiction to fast food. Today has been an uneventful day. Had my meals normally. I haven't had any anxiety for eating so far. I will use this blog to try and log everything I go through in this process.
Today is Monday, July 27th, 2015. Being of sound mind and judgment, I, Manuel Santos Jorge, solemnly swear that I will not go back to my old ways. I will have a real cheat day when I lose 50 pounds. Until then, I will log all my foods on My Fitness Pal. I will walk everyday, or at least do some sort of exercise every day, including Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I will use Lucy del Mar to achieve this. She will make me exercise hard in the backyard. No going to eat at night, I will have my dinner and a snack, nothing else. Only water. As of today, this journey begins. I won't go back. I CAN'T GO BACK.
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